Today I played my violin. Not particularly well, or for a long time, but I actually touched my instrument. I had to leave to come babysit for the afternoon, so I read through the first page of Wieniawski 2 before deciding that I had too much respect for the piece to keep destroying it.
The only thing noteworthy was realizing that Bach chorales are the perfect practice tools. I can improve my viola playing (and learn how to play the cello, which I will bring home from my sister's tonight), translate the text, brush up on my theory analysis, work on hearing harmonies by recording multiple parts and playing them back, and since I have two versions I can practice reading all 5 clefs. (one is in treble / bass, and the other is bass, tenor, alto, soprano)
I thought I watched another movie today but according to my Youtube history I only watched all the trailers as I put in the links for yesterday's post, and some Starcraft games. I hope to finish The Two Towers tonight. I also need to buy health insurance. That's all the news for today. I finally wrote a short post.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Metropolis
After work I took a shower and thought for a minute of what I should do with the rest of my day. I've thought about it a lot this summer and I have no idea how or rather why I've led such a boring life all through college. Besides practicing every day like I should, I could read, write, practice German, watch a movie, draw something, cook something... playing games or Facebook seem so lame.
Anyway, I promised myself this would be a quick post. I got side tracked talking with Emily Hall about music and schools.
I decided to watch Metropolis. I had it queued up on my computer from last night. I looked up recommended German movies and made a list of those I'm interested in.
Stalingrad
The Harmonists
Nowhere in Africa
The Nasty Girl
The Miracle of Bern
Goodbye Lenin!
Downfall
Sophie Scholl: The Final Days
The Testament of Dr. Mabuse
Revanche
The Lost Honor of Katharina Blum (on Youtube)
People on Sunday (on Youtube)
Pandora's Box (on Youtube, silent film)
Mahler on the Couch (I had discovered this movie came out a year or two ago but have yet to find it online. I really want to see it.)
I have already watched several great German movies, many of which I found on recommended lists.
Wings of Desire
Run Lola Run
Das Boot
The Edukators
Das Weiße Band (The White Ribbon)
The Counterfeiters
M
The Three Penny Opera
Nosferatu (on Youtube, silent film)
Metropolis was INCREDIBLE.
It's a silent film, and the title cards are in German. You can read the plot here. It's fairly easy to follow, but I had to stop to translate the cards. The movie is fantastic. (the only funny spot was the 'wild' dancing. It doesn't really scream 'seductive' to me.) I was thoroughly engaged and I responded to the characters and it made a strong impression on me. Nosferatu is a different genre but while beautifully crafted art, it didn't blow me away like Metropolis did. The music is gorgeous (a bit repetitive, perhaps) and I really believed in the world Fritz Lang created. And you can tell it is the most expensive silent movie ever made. I have no idea how they did some of the effects back in 1927. It's a bit of a science fiction fairy tale. And of course, German films will always make you think. It has a real message, delivered with vision.
No need to say anymore. Go watch it.
Anyway, I promised myself this would be a quick post. I got side tracked talking with Emily Hall about music and schools.
I decided to watch Metropolis. I had it queued up on my computer from last night. I looked up recommended German movies and made a list of those I'm interested in.
Stalingrad
The Harmonists
Nowhere in Africa
The Nasty Girl
The Miracle of Bern
Goodbye Lenin!
Downfall
Sophie Scholl: The Final Days
The Testament of Dr. Mabuse
Revanche
The Lost Honor of Katharina Blum (on Youtube)
People on Sunday (on Youtube)
Pandora's Box (on Youtube, silent film)
Mahler on the Couch (I had discovered this movie came out a year or two ago but have yet to find it online. I really want to see it.)
I have already watched several great German movies, many of which I found on recommended lists.
Wings of Desire
Run Lola Run
Das Boot
The Edukators
Das Weiße Band (The White Ribbon)
The Counterfeiters
M
The Three Penny Opera
Nosferatu (on Youtube, silent film)
Metropolis was INCREDIBLE.
It's a silent film, and the title cards are in German. You can read the plot here. It's fairly easy to follow, but I had to stop to translate the cards. The movie is fantastic. (the only funny spot was the 'wild' dancing. It doesn't really scream 'seductive' to me.) I was thoroughly engaged and I responded to the characters and it made a strong impression on me. Nosferatu is a different genre but while beautifully crafted art, it didn't blow me away like Metropolis did. The music is gorgeous (a bit repetitive, perhaps) and I really believed in the world Fritz Lang created. And you can tell it is the most expensive silent movie ever made. I have no idea how they did some of the effects back in 1927. It's a bit of a science fiction fairy tale. And of course, German films will always make you think. It has a real message, delivered with vision.
No need to say anymore. Go watch it.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Run Lola Run
So I'm sad that Borders is going out of business. I have spent many, many hours there.
I spent several hours yesterday and today reading. I found Dragon Ball Z manga which took me back to my childhood. I read all the way up to Cell, if anyone remembers the series.
I was going to buy a few books as the store was about to close but the line was so long I decided to come back in the morning. It'll give me a chance to make sure I want to buy them. I think Jeff and his family have left for Africa for 2 weeks. I was going to borrow the Harry Potter series from him but never connected with him. I looked for them at the library but I swear I couldn't find them. Whatever, I should finish LOTR first anyway.
I talked myself out of buying another German film, Run Lola Run, and I'm glad I didn't buy it because I found the whole movie on youtube. It was really good but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't watch it too many times. I wish it were easier to find German movies (you're lucky to find a German book section at all) and I think I want to buy anything German, but I am trying to be selective. There are two other movies on youtube I have queued up that are German. Although I'm not sure how much dialogue is in Vampyr by Carl Theodor Dreyer. I will watch The Lost Honor of Katharina Blum tomorrow, hopefully.
Run Lola Run was a good movie. The actual plot is simple, but the creative structure is interesting. Essentially Lola receives a panicked call from her boyfriend Manni, who has lost 100,000 DM, accidentally leaving the bag on the subway. He is a small time criminal and the money was from a deal, and his boss is expecting him to deliver the money in 20 minutes. Lola runs to the bank where her father works for help.
The movie plays out in three different runs, with subtle but significant changes between them. The first time her father throws her out of the bank, saying he feels unappreciated at home and is running away with his mistress. The second time Lola holds her father at gunpoint and robs the bank. She escapes when the police mistake her for a customer who is oblivious that the bank is being robbed. However, when she reaches Manni, he is run over by an ambulance. The third time she misses her father as he leaves the bank, so she bets all her money on a game of roulette at the casino. She wins and runs to meet Manni. Manni meanwhile has run into the homeless man who stole his money from the subway and caught him. Lola sees him leave his boss' car, having delivered the money. The movie ends when he asks what she has in her bag.
It's a pretty clever multiple universe movie. If it were just one run, it wouldn't be much of a movie, but the way it's set up it's like three movies in one. It was cool but I'm glad I didn't buy it, since I already have so much stuff. I really shouldn't be buying anything else, but with Borders going out of business, everything is on sale.
My thoughts on this are that I already have too many things. When I get my own place I don't want to have boxes and boxes of movies and books to move. I made a desert island list once and will expand it, but I know I have more than I need.
The only movies I will buy are foreign films, because I can try to find most other movies online, but finding foreign films with subtitles is almost impossible. I will go back to Borders tomorrow to buy a book or two to add to my philosophy collection, and one or two fiction books. I have read a lot in Borders. I think I get very distracted at home and that keeps me from reading so much. (Like tonight I wanted to read more LOTR) I like philosophy books but I go directly to primary sources. I want to grapple with the text of the authors as a whole first, then I will get help clarifying what I don't understand. I already have plenty of philosophy books, but there are so many influential books. Tomorrow I might get: Sickness Unto Death and A Critique of Pure Reason. For fiction, I read part of Steinbeck's last novel, The Winter of our Discontent. I love Steinbeck. His plots are loosely structured and they meander, but his dialogue and characters are wonderful. I only wanted one fiction book but I saw The Tin Drum for $4, so I might as well buy it. I read several chapters a few months ago in Borders. Well, I should stop rambling. Good Night.
I spent several hours yesterday and today reading. I found Dragon Ball Z manga which took me back to my childhood. I read all the way up to Cell, if anyone remembers the series.
I was going to buy a few books as the store was about to close but the line was so long I decided to come back in the morning. It'll give me a chance to make sure I want to buy them. I think Jeff and his family have left for Africa for 2 weeks. I was going to borrow the Harry Potter series from him but never connected with him. I looked for them at the library but I swear I couldn't find them. Whatever, I should finish LOTR first anyway.
I talked myself out of buying another German film, Run Lola Run, and I'm glad I didn't buy it because I found the whole movie on youtube. It was really good but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't watch it too many times. I wish it were easier to find German movies (you're lucky to find a German book section at all) and I think I want to buy anything German, but I am trying to be selective. There are two other movies on youtube I have queued up that are German. Although I'm not sure how much dialogue is in Vampyr by Carl Theodor Dreyer. I will watch The Lost Honor of Katharina Blum tomorrow, hopefully.
Run Lola Run was a good movie. The actual plot is simple, but the creative structure is interesting. Essentially Lola receives a panicked call from her boyfriend Manni, who has lost 100,000 DM, accidentally leaving the bag on the subway. He is a small time criminal and the money was from a deal, and his boss is expecting him to deliver the money in 20 minutes. Lola runs to the bank where her father works for help.
The movie plays out in three different runs, with subtle but significant changes between them. The first time her father throws her out of the bank, saying he feels unappreciated at home and is running away with his mistress. The second time Lola holds her father at gunpoint and robs the bank. She escapes when the police mistake her for a customer who is oblivious that the bank is being robbed. However, when she reaches Manni, he is run over by an ambulance. The third time she misses her father as he leaves the bank, so she bets all her money on a game of roulette at the casino. She wins and runs to meet Manni. Manni meanwhile has run into the homeless man who stole his money from the subway and caught him. Lola sees him leave his boss' car, having delivered the money. The movie ends when he asks what she has in her bag.
It's a pretty clever multiple universe movie. If it were just one run, it wouldn't be much of a movie, but the way it's set up it's like three movies in one. It was cool but I'm glad I didn't buy it, since I already have so much stuff. I really shouldn't be buying anything else, but with Borders going out of business, everything is on sale.
My thoughts on this are that I already have too many things. When I get my own place I don't want to have boxes and boxes of movies and books to move. I made a desert island list once and will expand it, but I know I have more than I need.
The only movies I will buy are foreign films, because I can try to find most other movies online, but finding foreign films with subtitles is almost impossible. I will go back to Borders tomorrow to buy a book or two to add to my philosophy collection, and one or two fiction books. I have read a lot in Borders. I think I get very distracted at home and that keeps me from reading so much. (Like tonight I wanted to read more LOTR) I like philosophy books but I go directly to primary sources. I want to grapple with the text of the authors as a whole first, then I will get help clarifying what I don't understand. I already have plenty of philosophy books, but there are so many influential books. Tomorrow I might get: Sickness Unto Death and A Critique of Pure Reason. For fiction, I read part of Steinbeck's last novel, The Winter of our Discontent. I love Steinbeck. His plots are loosely structured and they meander, but his dialogue and characters are wonderful. I only wanted one fiction book but I saw The Tin Drum for $4, so I might as well buy it. I read several chapters a few months ago in Borders. Well, I should stop rambling. Good Night.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
The Edukators
I woke up at 6:15 this morning and realized I had overslept. That's generally not the start to a good day, but I don't mind starting work early if I get to finish early. I don't like 6 am, though. 7 or preferably 8 is so much better. I tried to go to bed early but I didn't fall asleep until almost 1.
I mixed the day's first bag of cement around 7:10 and for the most part, work was easy. It was a hot day, though, and once the sun finally hit us my shirt was soaked with sweat. But that's why we started so early. We finished the job and cleaned up around 1:40.
I needed a shower badly, but I had the rest of the day off. Martha invited me to go to the pool with the kids but I just wanted to relax / take a nap. I've been looking for this Austrian movie Revanche and decided that if I found it at Barnes and Noble I would treat myself. I didn't end up finding it, but I did happen upon The Edukators, which I just finished watching. I bought it and a Calvin and Hobbes collection (The Days are Just Packed) for about $14. That's less than half the price of a Criterion Collection movie.
I love reading Calvin and Hobbes I haven't seen before, of course. I'm trying not to read the whole thing at once. I was originally going to take a nap and watch The Lives of Others, before I decided to stop at B&N. With the exception of when my computer overheated and I had to restart it, I watched the movie straight through. Sometimes, even if it's a first viewing, I'll check my facebook once. But this movie was really great and I was hooked immediately.
Basically the plot is that Jan and Peter break into rich homes, not to steal anything, but simply to rearrange their furniture and leave a note: Die fetten Jahren sind vorbei, "Your days of plenty are numbered." (literally, the fat years are over, which is a reference to Joseph of the Bible and the 7 years of famine he prophesied. They are anti-capitalists in a way who want to pick at the consciences of the wealthy. When Jule, Peter's girlfriend, is evicted from her apartment she moves in with them. She has an enormous debt to pay because she had an accident with a Mercedes and didn't have insurance. When Peter goes on vacation, Jan and Jule get to know each other, and Jan tells her about the Edukators. When she asks why they do it, he replies: "So they feel less safe in their high security neighborhoods. It's a creepy feeling... someone's been in your home. They've been watching you." "Why not empty the villas and give everything to the poor?" "They expect burglars. We want to really scare them. Standing in the bank they'll hear faint whispers, 'You have too much money.'"
Jule talks Jan into spontaneously breaking into the house of the man she owes money from the accident. However, they leave in a hurry after rearranging furniture, and she later realizes that she's lost her cell phone. When they go back, they are caught. Jan knocks the man out, and they call Peter for help. They decide that they must kidnap him in order to avoid jail, and they take him to Jule's uncle's cabin in the Austrian Alps. (It was really cool because I definitely passed many mountain cabins like the one in the movie. I wasn't in Tyrol, though)
In time they learn about the man and there is a clash of ideologies, yet they are surprised to learn that the man was once an idealist like them, who lived in a commune as was part of the Socialist German Student Union 30 years ago. He explains that you change slowly as you grow older. He married, had children, needed a job to support them and send them to a good school, and one day he went to the polls and voted Conservative.
In the end they decide that the right thing to do is to let him go, and that they kidnapped him out of fear and self preservation. The man forgives Jule her debt and tells them he will not go to the police. However, the last scene is of the police breaking down their door, only to find that they have moved and left an empty apartment with the note: "Some people never change."
It was an excellent movie and I wish I could get into the arguments and clash of generations. I would need to watch it again but instead I played Starcraft with Kevin tonight. Time for bed.
I mixed the day's first bag of cement around 7:10 and for the most part, work was easy. It was a hot day, though, and once the sun finally hit us my shirt was soaked with sweat. But that's why we started so early. We finished the job and cleaned up around 1:40.
I needed a shower badly, but I had the rest of the day off. Martha invited me to go to the pool with the kids but I just wanted to relax / take a nap. I've been looking for this Austrian movie Revanche and decided that if I found it at Barnes and Noble I would treat myself. I didn't end up finding it, but I did happen upon The Edukators, which I just finished watching. I bought it and a Calvin and Hobbes collection (The Days are Just Packed) for about $14. That's less than half the price of a Criterion Collection movie.
I love reading Calvin and Hobbes I haven't seen before, of course. I'm trying not to read the whole thing at once. I was originally going to take a nap and watch The Lives of Others, before I decided to stop at B&N. With the exception of when my computer overheated and I had to restart it, I watched the movie straight through. Sometimes, even if it's a first viewing, I'll check my facebook once. But this movie was really great and I was hooked immediately.
Basically the plot is that Jan and Peter break into rich homes, not to steal anything, but simply to rearrange their furniture and leave a note: Die fetten Jahren sind vorbei, "Your days of plenty are numbered." (literally, the fat years are over, which is a reference to Joseph of the Bible and the 7 years of famine he prophesied. They are anti-capitalists in a way who want to pick at the consciences of the wealthy. When Jule, Peter's girlfriend, is evicted from her apartment she moves in with them. She has an enormous debt to pay because she had an accident with a Mercedes and didn't have insurance. When Peter goes on vacation, Jan and Jule get to know each other, and Jan tells her about the Edukators. When she asks why they do it, he replies: "So they feel less safe in their high security neighborhoods. It's a creepy feeling... someone's been in your home. They've been watching you." "Why not empty the villas and give everything to the poor?" "They expect burglars. We want to really scare them. Standing in the bank they'll hear faint whispers, 'You have too much money.'"
Jule talks Jan into spontaneously breaking into the house of the man she owes money from the accident. However, they leave in a hurry after rearranging furniture, and she later realizes that she's lost her cell phone. When they go back, they are caught. Jan knocks the man out, and they call Peter for help. They decide that they must kidnap him in order to avoid jail, and they take him to Jule's uncle's cabin in the Austrian Alps. (It was really cool because I definitely passed many mountain cabins like the one in the movie. I wasn't in Tyrol, though)
In time they learn about the man and there is a clash of ideologies, yet they are surprised to learn that the man was once an idealist like them, who lived in a commune as was part of the Socialist German Student Union 30 years ago. He explains that you change slowly as you grow older. He married, had children, needed a job to support them and send them to a good school, and one day he went to the polls and voted Conservative.
In the end they decide that the right thing to do is to let him go, and that they kidnapped him out of fear and self preservation. The man forgives Jule her debt and tells them he will not go to the police. However, the last scene is of the police breaking down their door, only to find that they have moved and left an empty apartment with the note: "Some people never change."
It was an excellent movie and I wish I could get into the arguments and clash of generations. I would need to watch it again but instead I played Starcraft with Kevin tonight. Time for bed.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Happiness
Before I start rambling, I just have to say that 2 hour Skype dates are amazing. Arreanna is so nice to set aside some time to catch up and just talk about whatever. How incredible is it that we can see friends and family through video chat no matter how far apart you are? I skyped with Eva once in Vienna (but I wasn't sure if the connection could handle video) but I think Arreanna was the only other person who skyped with me while I was abroad, besides my sister of course. And it was a 9 hour difference. I really appreciate that. (I'm trying to recall when I skyped with Jeff...)
I miss my friends a lot. I finally completed that Facebook note I had been working on for months. For some reason I keep thinking that I hope someone mentions those two notes at my funeral, as examples of how nice I was. It felt good brightening people's days a bit. I have a wonderful group of friends and I never want to feel like I didn't tell them just how special each one of them was to me.
Living at home again is sort of the backdrop against which I compare my life at school (the Mayfield) or abroad (Wien, Bezirk 13, Hietzing). I miss having a roommate or 9. I miss even the smallest things we would do together. I've tried to see lots of people this summer, with success, but it's not quite the same.
It's been a great summer, honestly. I am jealous of my friends at Aspen. I mentioned my delusional plan to road trip around the country. But I really like working with my dad. Babysitting for my sister is a real highlight of my life, even when Grace and Haz run me into the ground. I met Lindsay McCarthy for lunch at TGIF, picked up Lindsey Reymore from the airport and had a quick meal with her at Mellow Mushroom, saw Transformers 3 with Jeff, spent 4th of July at Sarah's barn with old friends, met Amber at the Tin Roof and had a long discussion with her, got people together for bowling, and yesterday AND today I ran into Hannah Simpson, who I haven't seen in over a year. Plus, I've had some fun playing around on Chris' old viola, I built a trebuchet, I got a new phone with Android, and drove to Kentucky to go caving in a national park. I'm talking with my dad about going out to the Smokies for a weekend before summer ends.
So I was talking with Emma the other day and we began discussing our lives and what it means to be happy and live a good life. Personally, I was most happy with myself in high school. I am not kidding, I rather enjoyed myself in high school. I had a solid work ethic, a great group of good friends, I read more, I got my first cell phone and leased my first car, I created my facebook, I still blogged in my xanga, I knew life was much bigger and more complicated than high school, but it hadn't hit me full force yet. Looking back I see how incredibly narrow minded I was. I have grown so much throughout college. I was blessed, but also sheltered.
Going through college I definitely had low points. I struggled with increasing apathy, and at times I fell into depression. I use that term carefully because I know how serious real depression is, and thankfully I think I avoided serious depression for the most part. Every time I feel bad about something, I try to keep a level head and maintain perspective. I count my blessings. There are a lot of them. I have clean water, enough food to keep from going hungry, shoes, running water, electricity, a fine private school education and I have graduated from Vanderbilt University, which is or was a top 20 institution of higher learning, with no debt. In addition to all this, I was able to study abroad in Vienna, Austria, a top city in the world, attend summer music festivals 9 consecutive years, and I have met amazing people and forged lifelong friendships all along the way (friends that I miss terribly). What do I have to complain about, really?
Any time I think I have a problem worth complaining about, I feel like I'm spitting in the faces of the millions of people around the world who have nothing compared to what I have. And then I usually ask myself: so why are you still unhappy? It's not like I'm miserable, but I'm still not very happy. If I'm not happy with all that I have, does that mean it's hopeless for those less fortunate? The answer is obviously no. So happiness has nothing to do with the things that we have, except basis necessities, like food, shelter, and the ability to live free from oppression and fear.
A wise teacher (Mrs. Bowen, who never actually taught me because I never took French at BA, haha) once told me that life isn't so much about 'being happy.' As in, being happy isn't exactly the norm, if you think of 'being happy' as the mountaintop moments of your life. There are mountains and valleys, but a lot of plateaus or plains. Still, I think you can be happy in those places as well as the mountaintops. So for clarification, I shall call this thing I seek 'joy.' You are only happy if things are going your way; you can live through times of hardship with a sense of joy. In fact, I think it's necessary to find ways to be joyful, otherwise our struggles harden us and make us cynical and apathetic.
So going back to my conversation with Emma, she broke happiness down to mean 'doing something well.' One would assume that this something is desirable to the person. This is a simplification of what she said. As I keep thinking about it, her description / criteria for being happy seems to come to this: we have to have a purpose, and our purpose comes from what we do. If we do something well, we have fulfilled our purpose, to change the lives of our loved ones or the world or to become the best person we could be or just to have accomplished anything at all.
Her reasoning reminds me of Nietzsche, the little that I know, in that life isn't about the reason why we exist or what happens after we die. Our reason for being is to be! Please don't quote me on this. Having actually studied Nietzsche a fair bit, I'm ashamed that this is the best I can come up with right now. But this blog is already too long for an analysis of Nietzsche.
In response to me positing that the root of all happiness lies in man's ability to answer the basic question of life: Why am I here? (which of course is tied to the question: What should I be doing with my life?) Emma said that it's not about finding our reason for being, it's more about understanding and accepting that there is no reason. I apologize if that was worded poorly or is misleading. I think she's getting at the school of thought that says we create our own purpose for being. We create the meaning in our lives. And I'd have to get her to explain how that works, because I have had friends explain this line of thought to me before but it never 'takes,' so to speak. Being raised in a Christian home makes this thought foreign to me. But to me, if we start from the assumption that we have no reason for being, no matter what we do, nothing in our lives justifies our existence.
And I think the world is split up into two groups of people: those who can accept that there is no underlying purpose in our lives and that means all we have to worry about is this world, this time, and there are no consequences for our actions after we die; and those who believe that there is more to life than the world we live in today, that there is a standard of goodness against which we will be measured, and that there is something greater than ourselves which gives meaning to our lives, whether it is called destiny or karma or God.
I have always believed that a god existed and created us. I do not believe in evolution and am worried that I will be persecuted for that belief, but I do not buy the idea that something came from nothing and the explanations I have come across have not been convincing. But the question has become "what kind of god created the world and us?"
And for years I struggled to reconcile the benevolent God of the Bible with the existence of evil, and eventually I gave up. I expected God to give me a reason to believe, but all I kept seeing was that I had to believe first, to have blind faith, before I could see. And faith was my stumbling block. How could I know if I was putting my faith in the right thing? What separates this blind faith from the self delusion cult members put themselves through? To discover the worth of anything else in this world, we test it. Why was the goodness of the Bible not able to be tested and proven BEFORE I pledged my life to Christianity? I was so suspicious of it. I don't want to look back on my life and see that I missed out on opportunities and did not live life to the fullest because I restricted myself according to a bunch of beliefs that I held ARBITRARILY.
Because the Bible tells me so. But WHY am I listening to what's in the Bible? Because it says it's the living word of God. And I just take that on face value? Didn't Joseph Smith say he found plates of gold with a message from God on them? Don't we Christians pity the fools who followed him? "They should have used their heads," we say. And yet I haven't found a better reason for us to believe in what the Bible says. But apparently it will all become clear to me, and no proof will be needed, once I believe.
I began to doubt, and I was sick of struggling, so I walked away. And I have been deeply unhappy with my life ever since. Amber, and other good friends, told me that if I wanted to hear God, I should read the Bible. How could I complain of not hearing God's voice if I never read His Word? Even I wrote a speech I delivered at assembly on how we need to read the Bible more if we want to hear from God. But I still have to believe that the Bible is God's Word.
Was I happy in those days because I communed with God and He led me in paths He set out for me? Or was it the ignorance of youth and being raised in a superstitious tradition? Am I unhappy now because I haven't accepted that this life has no extraordinary meaning, and once I understand that I can live my life to the best of my ability? Or, having turned my back on God, am I stumbling and groping in the darkness for the light my eyes once knew?
To end this enormous reflection on happiness and the meaning of life, I outline in brief my study. I must treat the Bible like I would any other book which has supernatural claims. I would love to read the Koran and I have read a great many sayings of the Buddha (Dhammapada). I will look at the history of the Bible. If anything is false, it may still be a great book well worth reading and reflecting on, but it cannot be the infallible Word of God. Then I must read the Bible and judge for myself. Is it outlandish or nonsensical? Why would God be more confusing than He has to be? Is it idealistic and overly simple? Does what is said apply to the real, complex, and confusing world we live in? To be realistic, some of it will be confusing. Any book that claims to be a guide to life has to be hard to understand in some parts, right? This mostly seems to be "I'll see if it feels right." Although I'm open to God making it feel right, that's not very scientific.
So I will focus on what the God of the Bible says about my biggest struggle: who is God and how does he explain the existence of evil? It won't be easy. I must be convinced. That way, my belief is my own. But as I tend to dislike the idea of life without god, I should give Christianity another shot. I feel part of myself recoiling, saying that I am moving backwards. But if God is real, I believe the Devil is real, too. I seem to be avoiding actually reading or examining the Bible for no real reason at all. If it's false, I should trust myself to find it's faults and reject it. I'm afraid of this because I think it'll feel like starting from -100. If the Bible is truly God's word, I don't want to miss out on His plan for my life because of stubbornness and pride. If it's true, it will prove itself. It must.
I miss my friends a lot. I finally completed that Facebook note I had been working on for months. For some reason I keep thinking that I hope someone mentions those two notes at my funeral, as examples of how nice I was. It felt good brightening people's days a bit. I have a wonderful group of friends and I never want to feel like I didn't tell them just how special each one of them was to me.
Living at home again is sort of the backdrop against which I compare my life at school (the Mayfield) or abroad (Wien, Bezirk 13, Hietzing). I miss having a roommate or 9. I miss even the smallest things we would do together. I've tried to see lots of people this summer, with success, but it's not quite the same.
It's been a great summer, honestly. I am jealous of my friends at Aspen. I mentioned my delusional plan to road trip around the country. But I really like working with my dad. Babysitting for my sister is a real highlight of my life, even when Grace and Haz run me into the ground. I met Lindsay McCarthy for lunch at TGIF, picked up Lindsey Reymore from the airport and had a quick meal with her at Mellow Mushroom, saw Transformers 3 with Jeff, spent 4th of July at Sarah's barn with old friends, met Amber at the Tin Roof and had a long discussion with her, got people together for bowling, and yesterday AND today I ran into Hannah Simpson, who I haven't seen in over a year. Plus, I've had some fun playing around on Chris' old viola, I built a trebuchet, I got a new phone with Android, and drove to Kentucky to go caving in a national park. I'm talking with my dad about going out to the Smokies for a weekend before summer ends.
So I was talking with Emma the other day and we began discussing our lives and what it means to be happy and live a good life. Personally, I was most happy with myself in high school. I am not kidding, I rather enjoyed myself in high school. I had a solid work ethic, a great group of good friends, I read more, I got my first cell phone and leased my first car, I created my facebook, I still blogged in my xanga, I knew life was much bigger and more complicated than high school, but it hadn't hit me full force yet. Looking back I see how incredibly narrow minded I was. I have grown so much throughout college. I was blessed, but also sheltered.
Going through college I definitely had low points. I struggled with increasing apathy, and at times I fell into depression. I use that term carefully because I know how serious real depression is, and thankfully I think I avoided serious depression for the most part. Every time I feel bad about something, I try to keep a level head and maintain perspective. I count my blessings. There are a lot of them. I have clean water, enough food to keep from going hungry, shoes, running water, electricity, a fine private school education and I have graduated from Vanderbilt University, which is or was a top 20 institution of higher learning, with no debt. In addition to all this, I was able to study abroad in Vienna, Austria, a top city in the world, attend summer music festivals 9 consecutive years, and I have met amazing people and forged lifelong friendships all along the way (friends that I miss terribly). What do I have to complain about, really?
Any time I think I have a problem worth complaining about, I feel like I'm spitting in the faces of the millions of people around the world who have nothing compared to what I have. And then I usually ask myself: so why are you still unhappy? It's not like I'm miserable, but I'm still not very happy. If I'm not happy with all that I have, does that mean it's hopeless for those less fortunate? The answer is obviously no. So happiness has nothing to do with the things that we have, except basis necessities, like food, shelter, and the ability to live free from oppression and fear.
A wise teacher (Mrs. Bowen, who never actually taught me because I never took French at BA, haha) once told me that life isn't so much about 'being happy.' As in, being happy isn't exactly the norm, if you think of 'being happy' as the mountaintop moments of your life. There are mountains and valleys, but a lot of plateaus or plains. Still, I think you can be happy in those places as well as the mountaintops. So for clarification, I shall call this thing I seek 'joy.' You are only happy if things are going your way; you can live through times of hardship with a sense of joy. In fact, I think it's necessary to find ways to be joyful, otherwise our struggles harden us and make us cynical and apathetic.
So going back to my conversation with Emma, she broke happiness down to mean 'doing something well.' One would assume that this something is desirable to the person. This is a simplification of what she said. As I keep thinking about it, her description / criteria for being happy seems to come to this: we have to have a purpose, and our purpose comes from what we do. If we do something well, we have fulfilled our purpose, to change the lives of our loved ones or the world or to become the best person we could be or just to have accomplished anything at all.
Her reasoning reminds me of Nietzsche, the little that I know, in that life isn't about the reason why we exist or what happens after we die. Our reason for being is to be! Please don't quote me on this. Having actually studied Nietzsche a fair bit, I'm ashamed that this is the best I can come up with right now. But this blog is already too long for an analysis of Nietzsche.
In response to me positing that the root of all happiness lies in man's ability to answer the basic question of life: Why am I here? (which of course is tied to the question: What should I be doing with my life?) Emma said that it's not about finding our reason for being, it's more about understanding and accepting that there is no reason. I apologize if that was worded poorly or is misleading. I think she's getting at the school of thought that says we create our own purpose for being. We create the meaning in our lives. And I'd have to get her to explain how that works, because I have had friends explain this line of thought to me before but it never 'takes,' so to speak. Being raised in a Christian home makes this thought foreign to me. But to me, if we start from the assumption that we have no reason for being, no matter what we do, nothing in our lives justifies our existence.
And I think the world is split up into two groups of people: those who can accept that there is no underlying purpose in our lives and that means all we have to worry about is this world, this time, and there are no consequences for our actions after we die; and those who believe that there is more to life than the world we live in today, that there is a standard of goodness against which we will be measured, and that there is something greater than ourselves which gives meaning to our lives, whether it is called destiny or karma or God.
I have always believed that a god existed and created us. I do not believe in evolution and am worried that I will be persecuted for that belief, but I do not buy the idea that something came from nothing and the explanations I have come across have not been convincing. But the question has become "what kind of god created the world and us?"
And for years I struggled to reconcile the benevolent God of the Bible with the existence of evil, and eventually I gave up. I expected God to give me a reason to believe, but all I kept seeing was that I had to believe first, to have blind faith, before I could see. And faith was my stumbling block. How could I know if I was putting my faith in the right thing? What separates this blind faith from the self delusion cult members put themselves through? To discover the worth of anything else in this world, we test it. Why was the goodness of the Bible not able to be tested and proven BEFORE I pledged my life to Christianity? I was so suspicious of it. I don't want to look back on my life and see that I missed out on opportunities and did not live life to the fullest because I restricted myself according to a bunch of beliefs that I held ARBITRARILY.
Because the Bible tells me so. But WHY am I listening to what's in the Bible? Because it says it's the living word of God. And I just take that on face value? Didn't Joseph Smith say he found plates of gold with a message from God on them? Don't we Christians pity the fools who followed him? "They should have used their heads," we say. And yet I haven't found a better reason for us to believe in what the Bible says. But apparently it will all become clear to me, and no proof will be needed, once I believe.
I began to doubt, and I was sick of struggling, so I walked away. And I have been deeply unhappy with my life ever since. Amber, and other good friends, told me that if I wanted to hear God, I should read the Bible. How could I complain of not hearing God's voice if I never read His Word? Even I wrote a speech I delivered at assembly on how we need to read the Bible more if we want to hear from God. But I still have to believe that the Bible is God's Word.
Was I happy in those days because I communed with God and He led me in paths He set out for me? Or was it the ignorance of youth and being raised in a superstitious tradition? Am I unhappy now because I haven't accepted that this life has no extraordinary meaning, and once I understand that I can live my life to the best of my ability? Or, having turned my back on God, am I stumbling and groping in the darkness for the light my eyes once knew?
To end this enormous reflection on happiness and the meaning of life, I outline in brief my study. I must treat the Bible like I would any other book which has supernatural claims. I would love to read the Koran and I have read a great many sayings of the Buddha (Dhammapada). I will look at the history of the Bible. If anything is false, it may still be a great book well worth reading and reflecting on, but it cannot be the infallible Word of God. Then I must read the Bible and judge for myself. Is it outlandish or nonsensical? Why would God be more confusing than He has to be? Is it idealistic and overly simple? Does what is said apply to the real, complex, and confusing world we live in? To be realistic, some of it will be confusing. Any book that claims to be a guide to life has to be hard to understand in some parts, right? This mostly seems to be "I'll see if it feels right." Although I'm open to God making it feel right, that's not very scientific.
So I will focus on what the God of the Bible says about my biggest struggle: who is God and how does he explain the existence of evil? It won't be easy. I must be convinced. That way, my belief is my own. But as I tend to dislike the idea of life without god, I should give Christianity another shot. I feel part of myself recoiling, saying that I am moving backwards. But if God is real, I believe the Devil is real, too. I seem to be avoiding actually reading or examining the Bible for no real reason at all. If it's false, I should trust myself to find it's faults and reject it. I'm afraid of this because I think it'll feel like starting from -100. If the Bible is truly God's word, I don't want to miss out on His plan for my life because of stubbornness and pride. If it's true, it will prove itself. It must.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Pictures and Dreams
So it did not even occur to me that I could hang pictures in my room until about 20 minutes ago. Mom asked me to help hang pictures all over the house, and we started in her room. My walls look bare to me.
Earlier, I decided to set up my new Google+ account since Jeff invited me. It's strange starting with a completely blank slate. I have put over 5 years into my FB, which has served me well. I wish they would stop changing it's look, but honestly we all get used to it, so I've stopped complaining. (idk if it was just me, but for about a week there were ads in the middle of my wall and newsfeed. I was 10% more serious about quitting than usual. That's like 15%!)
I uploaded a few of my favorite pictures from Europe and have been messing around with all the options and it's pretty neat. I either want to convert my close friends and leave FB (not deleting the notes and pictures and contacts I have made over the years), or I will leave Google+ after a few weeks before I'm totally hooked to a 2nd social network. Hold me to this, dear readers: I MUST NOT USE MORE THAN ONE SOCIAL NETWORK. That's why I never bothered with Twitter. I have to say, the integration with Blogger and Gmail and YouTube and essentially THE INTERNET via Google is very nice.
Whilst perusing my many photo folders from my time abroad, I remembered a lot of things I had forgotten, and it made me miss Wien and all of Austria and Berlin and Munich and Prague. My little 'Best of Europe' album I threw together for Google+ was 50 pictures. Which really is being selective because if I recall, I took 4000 or so.
I love these in particular:
Der Musikverein
Prague
Berlin Cathedral
Schönbrunn
God, I'm so glad I went over fall and winter! I loved the Christkindlmärkte, and Glühwein, and Sturm, and everything looked lovely when it snowed.
Besides pictures, I hope I've brought home a more active lifestyle. It's hard not to sit in front of my computer all day, but I've tried. Working with my dad is fun; I really enjoy working with my hands (my dad does handyman stuff, in case I didn't mention it in an earlier post) and it keeps me busy. I should be practicing more, but having borrowed Chris' old viola, I can explore even more music. I am trying to copy, study, and make flashcards of all 501 German Verbs in my Barron's Guide. If I do 5 a day I have a chance, although tonight I started hanging pictures at midnight and then I wanted to blog. Also I want to translate the libretto of Die Zauberflöte. I had finished the first scene before I left Wien but haven't worked on it since.
But that's old news I think. My current obsession is travel. I went up to Mammoth Cave National Park yesterday on a whim, and it was a lot of fun. I'm thinking about finally seeing Knoxville and the Smokies (I hope I can stay at Walker's), and I even thought about going to St. Louis to see the Arch and the Mississippi River. I know it goes through Memphis which is a lot closer, but... not that interested in Memphis.
What I've been dreaming about for a long time is a huge road trip across the country. More recently, on a slightly smaller scale, I've envisioned a trip basically up through Chicago, out to Denver, and back around through Minneapolis and Appleton, then back to Nashville, again through Chicago. I would pick up Amelia, Rochelle, and Chelsea on the way, and we'd stay with Westrey for a few days in Denver. It's only 3,320 miles! I don't think we can work it out, but I can dream, can't I?
We're all poor college kids and I need to save money for grad school auditions.
Speaking of which, I need to study the schools more closely and make sure requirements are standard. Practicing would be good, too. I'd like to get at least one more lesson with Erin Hall this summer. But I doubt I'll get Sibelius back into good enough shape to record before summer is over. Schade. Here's my preliminary list, I'll keep people updated as the process continues:
Colorado University, Boulder; Arizona State University; San Francisco Conservatory; Rice; and maybe University of Southern California.
Anyway, I work tomorrow again so I should hit the hay. Ciao!
Earlier, I decided to set up my new Google+ account since Jeff invited me. It's strange starting with a completely blank slate. I have put over 5 years into my FB, which has served me well. I wish they would stop changing it's look, but honestly we all get used to it, so I've stopped complaining. (idk if it was just me, but for about a week there were ads in the middle of my wall and newsfeed. I was 10% more serious about quitting than usual. That's like 15%!)
I uploaded a few of my favorite pictures from Europe and have been messing around with all the options and it's pretty neat. I either want to convert my close friends and leave FB (not deleting the notes and pictures and contacts I have made over the years), or I will leave Google+ after a few weeks before I'm totally hooked to a 2nd social network. Hold me to this, dear readers: I MUST NOT USE MORE THAN ONE SOCIAL NETWORK. That's why I never bothered with Twitter. I have to say, the integration with Blogger and Gmail and YouTube and essentially THE INTERNET via Google is very nice.
Whilst perusing my many photo folders from my time abroad, I remembered a lot of things I had forgotten, and it made me miss Wien and all of Austria and Berlin and Munich and Prague. My little 'Best of Europe' album I threw together for Google+ was 50 pictures. Which really is being selective because if I recall, I took 4000 or so.
I love these in particular:
Der Musikverein
Prague
Berlin Cathedral
Schönbrunn
God, I'm so glad I went over fall and winter! I loved the Christkindlmärkte, and Glühwein, and Sturm, and everything looked lovely when it snowed.
Besides pictures, I hope I've brought home a more active lifestyle. It's hard not to sit in front of my computer all day, but I've tried. Working with my dad is fun; I really enjoy working with my hands (my dad does handyman stuff, in case I didn't mention it in an earlier post) and it keeps me busy. I should be practicing more, but having borrowed Chris' old viola, I can explore even more music. I am trying to copy, study, and make flashcards of all 501 German Verbs in my Barron's Guide. If I do 5 a day I have a chance, although tonight I started hanging pictures at midnight and then I wanted to blog. Also I want to translate the libretto of Die Zauberflöte. I had finished the first scene before I left Wien but haven't worked on it since.
But that's old news I think. My current obsession is travel. I went up to Mammoth Cave National Park yesterday on a whim, and it was a lot of fun. I'm thinking about finally seeing Knoxville and the Smokies (I hope I can stay at Walker's), and I even thought about going to St. Louis to see the Arch and the Mississippi River. I know it goes through Memphis which is a lot closer, but... not that interested in Memphis.
What I've been dreaming about for a long time is a huge road trip across the country. More recently, on a slightly smaller scale, I've envisioned a trip basically up through Chicago, out to Denver, and back around through Minneapolis and Appleton, then back to Nashville, again through Chicago. I would pick up Amelia, Rochelle, and Chelsea on the way, and we'd stay with Westrey for a few days in Denver. It's only 3,320 miles! I don't think we can work it out, but I can dream, can't I?
We're all poor college kids and I need to save money for grad school auditions.
Speaking of which, I need to study the schools more closely and make sure requirements are standard. Practicing would be good, too. I'd like to get at least one more lesson with Erin Hall this summer. But I doubt I'll get Sibelius back into good enough shape to record before summer is over. Schade. Here's my preliminary list, I'll keep people updated as the process continues:
Colorado University, Boulder; Arizona State University; San Francisco Conservatory; Rice; and maybe University of Southern California.
Anyway, I work tomorrow again so I should hit the hay. Ciao!
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Pancakes and Mammoth Cave
So Sunday I decided to make pancakes for breakfast. I have gotten back into the 'just jump in' attitude that got me through Europe. More on that later. I was hungry and I like eating breakfast food whenever I eat breakfast, which is very rare. (The exception I can think of now is pizza for breakfast. Although I don't like cold pizza, I heat it up as usual)
I knew cereal wouldn't fill me up so after some hunting through the cupboards I found the Bisquick.
I have made pancakes before, mind you, although it was at the BCM midnight pancake things, and they had the griddles set up beforehand. I was pretty good at timing them and flipping them.
Mixing the ingredients was easy, as expected.
However, I must have misinterpreted "hot, greased griddle" because I definitely burned my pancakes. They were still edible, but it was not the triumph I had hoped to start my day off with.
So I personally like butter. People have been cooking with butter for ages. When I fry things I typically swirl a stick of butter around on a medium hot pan and I'm ready to cook. I didn't have a stick of butter so I flicked in a glob or two of country crock. The griddle was too hot so the butter turned brown. I should have taken the hint, but once I poured my first pancake, I knew it was going to burn.
Like I said, edible, but it was so close to being ruined. I tried switching to Canola Oil Cooking Spray and turning down the heat. Too little, too late, as the griddle was smoking and burning and even after I opened two doors the entire kitchen was filled with smoke. I knew the fire alarm would go off but it took a surprisingly long time. I made 3 pancakes which was enough for breakfast so I continued damage control and began cleaning up.
A trick I learned from Oliver was cold water on hot pans will help clean off burned food. It helped but I only got maybe 1/3 of the griddle clean before I had to set it down. The rest had to be scrubbed off by a SOS pad.
Even though I managed to remember the safe word, the house phone put the call on hold or something and I panicked, (having never used our old house phone, I don't know how to work it properly) and I lost the call. I figured at least the fire department had been notified that it was a false alarm, but 10 minutes later they rang the doorbell. I told them I had burned pancakes but there was no fire.
The rest of the day was a blur except that I saw Transformers 3 with Jeff. Pretty fun movie.
Yesterday I met Dad at his church where we were to start chiseling off part of the outside wall. I don't recall the name but it was stuck on the outside with mortar and basically it trapped moisture, causing mold in the building. However, because of the mortar, chiseling was very hard on my hands and I decided I should leave after about an hour or so.
Dad had some help but it is still a 3 day job, so I had today and possibly tomorrow off from work with him. Last night, while talking to Lindsey and studying German verbs, I decided it was a perfect opportunity to drive up to Mammoth Cave National Park in Kentucky. I have wanted to go all year, since I started looking for cool things to do nearby. It's about a 2 hour drive away.
This post is getting too long already, and there isn't much to tell about the trip. I took the New Entrance Tour which started at 2:30. It's a pretty park. It makes up for the rest of Kentucky being flat farmland that's boring to drive through.
The tour was under 2 hours and I never broke a sweat. The tour group was around 100 people so at our few stops, we waited for stragglers for like 5-10 minutes. The kids were rather noisy too, but what can you do? It was fun overall but nothing special or spectacular until the very end. I guess I was expecting Planet Earth or the Mines of Moria. It was still a nice trip, but perhaps not worth the 4 hours driving there and back. When I got back I went to Manna (Korean food) for dinner with Martha and the kids.
I knew cereal wouldn't fill me up so after some hunting through the cupboards I found the Bisquick.
I have made pancakes before, mind you, although it was at the BCM midnight pancake things, and they had the griddles set up beforehand. I was pretty good at timing them and flipping them.
Mixing the ingredients was easy, as expected.
However, I must have misinterpreted "hot, greased griddle" because I definitely burned my pancakes. They were still edible, but it was not the triumph I had hoped to start my day off with.
So I personally like butter. People have been cooking with butter for ages. When I fry things I typically swirl a stick of butter around on a medium hot pan and I'm ready to cook. I didn't have a stick of butter so I flicked in a glob or two of country crock. The griddle was too hot so the butter turned brown. I should have taken the hint, but once I poured my first pancake, I knew it was going to burn.
Like I said, edible, but it was so close to being ruined. I tried switching to Canola Oil Cooking Spray and turning down the heat. Too little, too late, as the griddle was smoking and burning and even after I opened two doors the entire kitchen was filled with smoke. I knew the fire alarm would go off but it took a surprisingly long time. I made 3 pancakes which was enough for breakfast so I continued damage control and began cleaning up.
A trick I learned from Oliver was cold water on hot pans will help clean off burned food. It helped but I only got maybe 1/3 of the griddle clean before I had to set it down. The rest had to be scrubbed off by a SOS pad.
Even though I managed to remember the safe word, the house phone put the call on hold or something and I panicked, (having never used our old house phone, I don't know how to work it properly) and I lost the call. I figured at least the fire department had been notified that it was a false alarm, but 10 minutes later they rang the doorbell. I told them I had burned pancakes but there was no fire.
The rest of the day was a blur except that I saw Transformers 3 with Jeff. Pretty fun movie.
Yesterday I met Dad at his church where we were to start chiseling off part of the outside wall. I don't recall the name but it was stuck on the outside with mortar and basically it trapped moisture, causing mold in the building. However, because of the mortar, chiseling was very hard on my hands and I decided I should leave after about an hour or so.
Dad had some help but it is still a 3 day job, so I had today and possibly tomorrow off from work with him. Last night, while talking to Lindsey and studying German verbs, I decided it was a perfect opportunity to drive up to Mammoth Cave National Park in Kentucky. I have wanted to go all year, since I started looking for cool things to do nearby. It's about a 2 hour drive away.
This post is getting too long already, and there isn't much to tell about the trip. I took the New Entrance Tour which started at 2:30. It's a pretty park. It makes up for the rest of Kentucky being flat farmland that's boring to drive through.
The tour was under 2 hours and I never broke a sweat. The tour group was around 100 people so at our few stops, we waited for stragglers for like 5-10 minutes. The kids were rather noisy too, but what can you do? It was fun overall but nothing special or spectacular until the very end. I guess I was expecting Planet Earth or the Mines of Moria. It was still a nice trip, but perhaps not worth the 4 hours driving there and back. When I got back I went to Manna (Korean food) for dinner with Martha and the kids.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
The Outsiders
Today was a very short work day for me, so I came home and took a nap. I was tired because last night I was trying to clean up my desk by putting some books away, but I ended up reading The Outsiders by S. E. Hinton. I was going to put it back on the shelf because it was in a pile of books to read and had sat on my desk for probably two weeks. I glanced at the first page and before I knew it I was 20 pages in and invested. It's such a great book. I could not put it down and finished reading around 3 in the morning. I remember being hooked the first time and reading it in one sitting. I don't do that very often, sadly.
A brief plot overview: Ponyboy is a greaser, a kind of rough, social outcast, Juvenile Delinquent type from the poor side of town. He lives with his two older brothers Sodapop and Darry, who have to work to keep the family together because their parents died in a car crash. They are part of a kind of gang, but they aren't violent like some of the other gangs. The greasers clash with the Socs (socials) who are upper class rich kids who frequently jump greasers for fun.
Ponyboy and his friend Johnny are jumped after befriending some Soc girls at a movie. Johnny stabs and kills a Soc boy, Bob. With help from Dallas, the toughest member of their group, they run away to hide from the police. Later, the old church where they were hiding catches on fire with some children trapped inside. Ponyboy and Johnny rescue them, but a beam falls on Johnny and he breaks his back.
Cherry, one of the Soc girls says she will testify that Bob was drunk the night he was killed and that it was self defense. After Bob's death, there was a rumble between the Socs and the greasers, and the greasers won. Ponyboy and Dallas visit Johnny in the hospital, who dies. Dallas runs out and robs a grocery store at gunpoint and is killed by the police.
Ponyboy reflects on what it means to grow up and that despite our differences, people are the same all over. "."
In style and message, The Outsiders reminds me a lot of The Catcher in the Rye, another of my favorite books. Seeing the characters mature and having a growing awareness of the complexities of the world around them, and hearing their struggle to find meaning and to understand others and fight for some kind of morality are the things that make these books great. Same goes for a movie like Rebel without a Cause. More popular movies on teen angst like The Breakfast Club and the other Brat Pack movies work this way, too.
I hope to think more about the themes of The Outsiders. It's a book that really challenges me to reevaluate my values, morals, and my beliefs about others. It makes me wonder, why do humans feel a need to dominate others that they deem "below them"? Times have changed since the book was written in 1967, but social cliques are perhaps even more complex.
I cannot remotely understand why jumping another person would be fun. Sure, we could delve into the world of psychology. Maybe, like Bob, we somehow yearn for limits and so we continue to push the boundaries. Of course appearances and background biases are still incredibly hard to overcome, so maybe people feel above the law. Perhaps genetically we still are hunter-gatherers and in the environment of school the food chain plays itself out socially, where the strongest will survive. Our need for acceptance is a huge factor. For some reason, exclusivity equates to quality. A social group is only as 'good' as its members, so they feel the need to 'keep out the rabble' so to speak. And when you are part of a high social group like the prom queen type girls of high school, I'm sure it feels good in a way to reject others as not being 'good enough.' They have a sense of power and desirability.
But why do we have trouble looking at a person and seeing them for what they are: another human being with feelings and hopes and dreams just like ourselves? Sure, practically it's impossible to really be friends with everyone you meet. There aren't enough hours in the day. It's simple opportunity cost: I can spend my time with person X or person Y but not both. But what gives us the right to attack one another? To label another person and judge their life without knowing anything about them?
Life is not perfect; it's a daily struggle. "Things are rough all over."
I guess the only thing to do is to have faith that there is more to this world than appearances, hope that the world is filled with more good people than bad, and love one another.
A brief plot overview: Ponyboy is a greaser, a kind of rough, social outcast, Juvenile Delinquent type from the poor side of town. He lives with his two older brothers Sodapop and Darry, who have to work to keep the family together because their parents died in a car crash. They are part of a kind of gang, but they aren't violent like some of the other gangs. The greasers clash with the Socs (socials) who are upper class rich kids who frequently jump greasers for fun.
Ponyboy and his friend Johnny are jumped after befriending some Soc girls at a movie. Johnny stabs and kills a Soc boy, Bob. With help from Dallas, the toughest member of their group, they run away to hide from the police. Later, the old church where they were hiding catches on fire with some children trapped inside. Ponyboy and Johnny rescue them, but a beam falls on Johnny and he breaks his back.
Cherry, one of the Soc girls says she will testify that Bob was drunk the night he was killed and that it was self defense. After Bob's death, there was a rumble between the Socs and the greasers, and the greasers won. Ponyboy and Dallas visit Johnny in the hospital, who dies. Dallas runs out and robs a grocery store at gunpoint and is killed by the police.
Ponyboy reflects on what it means to grow up and that despite our differences, people are the same all over. "."
In style and message, The Outsiders reminds me a lot of The Catcher in the Rye, another of my favorite books. Seeing the characters mature and having a growing awareness of the complexities of the world around them, and hearing their struggle to find meaning and to understand others and fight for some kind of morality are the things that make these books great. Same goes for a movie like Rebel without a Cause. More popular movies on teen angst like The Breakfast Club and the other Brat Pack movies work this way, too.
I hope to think more about the themes of The Outsiders. It's a book that really challenges me to reevaluate my values, morals, and my beliefs about others. It makes me wonder, why do humans feel a need to dominate others that they deem "below them"? Times have changed since the book was written in 1967, but social cliques are perhaps even more complex.
I cannot remotely understand why jumping another person would be fun. Sure, we could delve into the world of psychology. Maybe, like Bob, we somehow yearn for limits and so we continue to push the boundaries. Of course appearances and background biases are still incredibly hard to overcome, so maybe people feel above the law. Perhaps genetically we still are hunter-gatherers and in the environment of school the food chain plays itself out socially, where the strongest will survive. Our need for acceptance is a huge factor. For some reason, exclusivity equates to quality. A social group is only as 'good' as its members, so they feel the need to 'keep out the rabble' so to speak. And when you are part of a high social group like the prom queen type girls of high school, I'm sure it feels good in a way to reject others as not being 'good enough.' They have a sense of power and desirability.
But why do we have trouble looking at a person and seeing them for what they are: another human being with feelings and hopes and dreams just like ourselves? Sure, practically it's impossible to really be friends with everyone you meet. There aren't enough hours in the day. It's simple opportunity cost: I can spend my time with person X or person Y but not both. But what gives us the right to attack one another? To label another person and judge their life without knowing anything about them?
Life is not perfect; it's a daily struggle. "Things are rough all over."
I guess the only thing to do is to have faith that there is more to this world than appearances, hope that the world is filled with more good people than bad, and love one another.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Trebuchet
On Friday I decided that I wanted to actually build a trebuchet. It's been on my to-do list for quite a while. Probably since we botched our trebuchet in physics class junior year of high school.
Because I never updated last semester, I should tell you that I bought a slingshot. I give 95% credit to watching the History channel show Top Shot, but having a Y chromosome is probably a big factor as well. Shooting and archery really interest me. I think I like that they are precision sports. It's not about blowing stuff up. That's a big bonus, but I haven't blown anything up (yet. don't hold your breath though, my targets will be water balloons) and I still have fun at the local ranges with my dad and Martha. It's about focusing your entire body on a single point and connecting with it. I really need to go back and read Zen and the Art of Archery. It's on my giant reading list.
So mainly because bows and arrows are very expensive I turned to the slingshot. I haven't had much time to go shoot stuff but I hope that changes this summer since I don't have a job that demands a lot of my time. I work with dad from 8-5 most days, provided he has enough handyman stuff for me to help him with.
After doing some research and looking at several general plans, I did some calculations and ran out to buy the essentials for a trebuchet. This mainly consisted of wood and screws. I made the base that night and was pretty happy with my progress.
Here are one or two pictures of my trebuchet as it's being built. Dad says if we get done early tomorrow, which is possible, we can work on it together. I kind of wanted it to be my own thing, but I got some good advice from him today that will save me a lot of grief.
It's probably too big for what my intended purpose was, which is to lob water balloons in the air for me to shoot with my slingshot. Whatever, if it's well built and works efficiently, it should throw a tennis ball 150 ft. easily. I don't care how pointless that is, that's pretty cool.
Because I never updated last semester, I should tell you that I bought a slingshot. I give 95% credit to watching the History channel show Top Shot, but having a Y chromosome is probably a big factor as well. Shooting and archery really interest me. I think I like that they are precision sports. It's not about blowing stuff up. That's a big bonus, but I haven't blown anything up (yet. don't hold your breath though, my targets will be water balloons) and I still have fun at the local ranges with my dad and Martha. It's about focusing your entire body on a single point and connecting with it. I really need to go back and read Zen and the Art of Archery. It's on my giant reading list.
So mainly because bows and arrows are very expensive I turned to the slingshot. I haven't had much time to go shoot stuff but I hope that changes this summer since I don't have a job that demands a lot of my time. I work with dad from 8-5 most days, provided he has enough handyman stuff for me to help him with.
After doing some research and looking at several general plans, I did some calculations and ran out to buy the essentials for a trebuchet. This mainly consisted of wood and screws. I made the base that night and was pretty happy with my progress.
Here are one or two pictures of my trebuchet as it's being built. Dad says if we get done early tomorrow, which is possible, we can work on it together. I kind of wanted it to be my own thing, but I got some good advice from him today that will save me a lot of grief.
It's probably too big for what my intended purpose was, which is to lob water balloons in the air for me to shoot with my slingshot. Whatever, if it's well built and works efficiently, it should throw a tennis ball 150 ft. easily. I don't care how pointless that is, that's pretty cool.
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