NaNoWriMo excerpt

The Last Memoir of Michael Green

                As an American who, as I mentioned briefly before, loves history, I believe that I am drawn to titles as far as they signify the rank, responsibilities, and duties of a nobleman as a leader. Now of course every entitled person did not live up to his title, and neither am I saying that I wish to go back to the days of extremely unbalanced power structure where a few rich aristocrats are simply born into a life of luxury while the majority consist of barely literate peasants. But there is definitely something fascinating to me about a group of men able to do almost anything they wanted, assuming they don’t bankrupt or otherwise destroy their inheritance. Dukes and Lords were able to not only govern over cities and regions as dictators for life, but were able to raise individual armies and sign treaties! While it is certainly still interesting to analyze what presidents and parliaments authorize, there is no longer (thankfully) the freedom to pass laws on a whim. These men had courts filled with musicians and artists and other servants. They could go to other countries (generally Italy) and hire famous composers and have them write music to be performed by their own personal orchestras! Were I an enormously rich, and extraordinarily selfish, man, I would seriously consider hiring a quartet to perform for every meal, and when I went to the bathroom. There would be a fanfare of my personal theme music every time I came home. I once knew a violinist who told a story of how at summer music festivals he would walk behind strangers on campus and play fiddle tunes. I don’t think that’s something you can hire most musicians to do, but if I were a rich man I would inquire about it. But enough about that tantalizing alternative life.

I understand that I should be proud that America was founded on equality and got rid of the divide between educated aristocrats and uneducated peasants. Eventually we rid ourselves of the embarrassing stain of slavery as well. But the same part of me that desires a personal court complete with orchestra is sad that there are no titles in America. As I wasn’t entirely sure which department would handle such concerns, I wrote several letters to different federal offices inquiring about the possibility of establishing an American position or knighthood. I received one courteous note from the Department of Homeland Security saying that they were unable to help me but suggesting that I contact Senators. I can only assume that Senators would be more than happy to create a new title, whereupon they could all knight themselves and buy new mansions with taxpayer money. In the end I decided that that danger was too high and have simply taken it upon myself to try to start a trend and lead by example by signing all letters and documents “Sir Michael Green.” I decided against adding an “e” to the end of Green, because as much as I would like to be British, I am not. So if you have gotten a letter from me in the past several years and have wondered about my signature, that’s why.

                

Grateful

There are times when I wonder, “If I go without such-and-such a thing for X months, how much money would I save?” I then do some mental calculations and determine that I could afford that thing that I’m currently wanting. Of course, this is always a pointless exercise as it involves giving up such things as power and gas during winter. Perhaps I could go without internet for another month, but I’ve never really envisioned myself as a regular at McDonald’s. Not that I eat there, as I bought one meal and it cost nearly 7 Euro. Better than American McDonald’s, but not by that much.

As a kid from a well-off family I think I suffer from some form of White guilt, (As if every rich white person feels ashamed of their excessive lifestyle – or should, assuming they live excessively) in that I feel that I am in such a positive position due more to my financial support than my own efforts. Could I be where I am without my family’s support? No way. But have I grown into the man I am solely because of gifts I have been blessed with? No.

I view my position in life in comparison to those who have the least. “Am I homeless or in poor health? Then maybe I should stop desiring all those luxuries I think I can’t live without. Plenty of people would love to have what you have.” I like to imagine that this line-of-thought helps keep me down to Earth.

No need to go without things for money. I just need to be grateful. Now if you excuse me, I’m going to enjoy the can of goulash that I warmed over 5 candles.

Pain

My wrist hurts. Not in the “you-slept-on-it-wrong” way that my shoulder hurts (although shoulder pain lasting for more than a day is concerning in itself), but occasionally when I move or lift things it feels like someone has stabbed me with a large knife. Or a small knife, I don’t know. The point is that as a musician there is nothing as scary as thinking that maybe you can’t escape tendonitis, and that now it is your turn to suffer through a potentially career ending injury full of doubt and anguish. And I was just starting to find a sound I really liked. You know, intentionally.

Much to all of my teachers’ collective chagrin, I have rarely practiced too much. (Well, they wouldn’t have wanted me to practice TOO much. Just more than I did.) Sure, there have been days before a lesson where I would panic and practice for 8 hours. I was always amazed at my selective work ethic when it comes to practicing. But I have for many years tried to figure out ways to play without tension. With little to show for it, I feel. It is so hard to build into your playing, because with the passion of performance many bad, old habits return. And when focusing on making music it is easy to not notice squeezing the muscles in your hand or shoulder for 5 minutes until after the last note. Too easy.

When practicing, it’s not 5 minutes. However you spread it out, over each day it should total over 3 hours. As I’m lazy, I don’t always reach that mark. I’m not sure how wind players experience fatigue. I imagine your lips and mouth tire easiest. But for a string player there’s a moment when your bow arm goes out and you feel a tendon ‘twang.’ I associate it with a plucked harp string. It doesn’t exactly hurt but you know that it is a sign from your body to stop.

When I pack it up for the day, I hope that I got as much done as I could. Depending on how my shoulders, jaw, and wrist feel, I also wonder if I am breaking my body a bit faster than nature intended. As an artist there is always someone better than you. Someone who is more talented, works harder, works smarter, is more experienced, or for whatever reason is better qualified for that job that you want. How hard do you push yourself? How long do you put yourself out there? What do you sacrifice to be where you think you have the best chance to succeed? What pain is too much?

Ultimately I believe that after some period of self-reflection you figure out what you want to be doing with your life, and with a mix of luck, help from loved ones, and perseverance eventually you get to be where you want to be. Here I am, some –to my mind –inconceivable amount of miles away from home (I have no internet connection so I can’t check), a mere 574,392 steps away from achieving my goal of starting a career in music before I reach retirement age. When I hurt I question whether I am doing the right thing with my life. If I'm good enough or if I will last at this rate. 

But I'm here because I think that it's better to have tried than to wonder. If I have to take it easy, I will. I have to be careful and smart. And barring some unfortunate disaster, I'm in it for the long haul.

L'Elisir D'Amore

Yesterday I went to the Staatsoper for the first time since I moved back to Wien. I can't say that it hasn't been somewhat of an inconvenience to be without power, but it hasn't been that bad. There is only so much I can read by candlelight, though. I arrived downtown about 2 hours before the performance, which proved to be good timing. Half an hour later I would have been at least twice as far back in line. Unfortunately I don't have any books that are small enough to keep in my coat pocket, so I just stood there for almost 2 hours. I got a good spot with a clear line of sight, and talked to a nice German man from near Baden-Baden before the performance.

It is definitely a time commitment but for 4 Euro it's well worth the wait. Nemorino was okay, but I couldn't help but feel that he didn't fill the entire hall. He reminded me of a taller Joe Pesci. Definitely no Juan Diego Florez, in any case. Dulcamara was probably the best singer, though Valentina Nafornita had a few great moments as Adina. I'm unsure whether I had built it up in my mind or perhaps the DVD version (at the Wiener Staatsoper, with the same set and costumes) made it feel much more close and intimate than it could be in real life. I really enjoyed it, regardless.

I should get back to take advantage of the light (though it's cold and overcast). My left wrist and shoulder have been hurting the past day or two, which concerns me. I'll see how I feel today and tomorrow at my lesson I will talk with Barbara. I hope to finally get everything put in order tomorrow. It'll all be worth it in the end.

Power and other luxuries

I currently have no power or gas in my apartment. They were shut off Wednesday morning after I failed to pay my utilities bill. I was waiting to set up my Austrian bank account before registering, but need my Meldezettel, which required a signature from my landlord. Yesterday it finally came back in the mail, but the district office closed at 1. Chelsea told me I could pay in person, but that building also closed around 1. So not only am I using McDonald's for internet, but I am charging my phone and computer here as well.

It's not so bad without power, but without gas I can't cook anything, so I have been eating a lot of kebap. I bought some candles and have been able to read a bit and even practice some after dark. By 7 it's too dark to do anything in my apartment otherwise. As one of two English books I brought with me, I couldn't resist buying The Lord of the Rings auf Deutsch. I know the story well enough (especially having just finished it) that I can figure out the meaning of a lot of words from context. But I have also started a list of all the words I don't immediately know, and with two new notebooks should be occupied well into next year. Maybe it's not the most effective book to learn new vocabulary, but my sheer interest in rereading it helps me overcome the slog of looking up so many words.

Tonight and maybe even tomorrow I will go to the opera, for the first time since I've been back! I'm very excited. As long as I get my practicing in while the sun is up, I might as well do something in the evenings until I get my power back. It's the main reason I brought my scarf with me, after all.

Games and Museums

I got an apartment! It was actually the first place I looked at, posted on Jobwohnen. The landlord had chosen another renter, but he ended up finding another place. The location is amazing (near the Prater) and I'm paying for some furniture and dishwasher, which is much preferred to paying a provision to a realtor. The previous tenant is a jazz pianist and said he has never had any complaints about his practicing, which is a relief. He was very helpful explaining what I need to do. He drove us down to meet the landlord where he lives in Böheimkirchen. I will only remember that because I'm a Syracuse fan. I did briefly consider whether I was being tricked in some awful way, but the landlord seemed relaxed and everything went smoothly as the guy moving out translated. I should be able to move in Monday, and once I get a mattress I can start settling in and setting up everything I need long-term.

Thursday, after signing my new lease, I went to orchestra from 2-5. Chelsea, one of the student conductors and violinist, had a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity come up through a NASA astronaut who had attended a previous concert of hers. He offered to put a recording of her ensemble on the next flight into space! Unfortunately, the offer came with only 2 weeks notice, so it was a bit of a scramble to assemble an ensemble in time. We only had one cellist and one bassist, but we did the best we could. Carolyn had to talk Chelsea down from trying to put together Tchaikovsky Serenade, and we played Andante festivo by Sibelius. I think it went as well as it could have for just one hour of rehearsal and 2 takes in the hall. Speaking of which, the hall at Prayner is beautiful and so wonderful to play in! Ben thought that Prayner was likely built around that hall.

Yesterday, after a late lesson, Ben and I went over to Carolyn's new apartment for a welcome party she and her roommate were having. Ben brought Dutch Blitz and Carolyn was able to borrow Cards Against Humanity. It was really nice meeting new people and with CAH you got to know everyone very quickly. I had never actually played it before, but with the right people it's better than Apples to Apples. Carolyn's roommate has the sweetest black lab puppy named Snow White. I will go over as often as they will let me for my dog fix. I haven't played Dutch Blitz since my early music festival days. It's essentially the same thing as Nertz. Once Chelsea and Eric left we had uneven teams and I was by myself. I still won 3 times in a row. It was a great night and I already feel like I've made a good impression and have found a place in a good group of friends.

Tonight Ben, Nick, and I went out for Die Lange Nacht Der Museen around 5:30. The museums open from 6 until 1 in the morning. We met James at the Kunsthaus or Hundertwasser Haus. I had never been inside to see Hundertwasser's other works, but the house itself is bizarre and just crazy enough to be wonderful, though it's hard to explain why I like it. Over the course of the next 7 hours we went to the Albertina, Gemäldegalerie, Secession, Schmetterlinghaus, and the Leopold Museum. I am exhausted and even if I had the time I could not describe all the things I saw. A lot of the night felt rushed, unfortunately, and it really was an overload of art. I think I managed to get several good pictures. 

I'm glad I have had the freedom to re-experience the city again before things get hectic. Getting my residence permit will take some time and effort but until then I can't really start trying to find gigs or students. Eventually I want to take German lessons again as well. But for now, all I have to worry about is moving, and practicing. 

Vengerov

Tonight Ben, Carolyn, and I went to see Maxim Vengerov and Itamar Golan perform at the Musikverein. It was an incredible program consisting of the Elgar sonata, Prokofiev sonata in F, Sonatensatz, Hungarian Dances 1, 2, and 5 by Brahms, Dvorak Slavonic Dance 2, Legend by Wieniawski, Schon Rosmarin and Liebesfreud, Paganini 24, Ysaye Ballade, and Saint-Saens/Ysaye Etude en forme du valse.

With such an outstanding amount of music we had to buy tickets. We bought 3 of the last seats up in the Galerie. It would be a decent investment to find a pair of low magnification opera glasses. But since we were in the very back, I stood up almost the entire concert. Which was long, including 3 (I might have forgotten a 4th) encores. I don't recall the Faure he played, but I believe he played Brahms Hungarian Dances 1 and 5, as well as Meditation from Thais.

A few of the faster, flashier pieces were kind of phoned in, and the rushing really obscured the clarity of the runs, but it was impressive nonetheless. My favorite works were the dances, which Vengerov and Golan performed with such convincing characters. Golan was an amazing pianist who was so expressive while following Vengerov's subtle, and not-so-subtle, musical gestures. Also, I was looking forward to hearing the Prokofiev sonata in particular, and it was the best part of the concert.

After all the encores, we walked to Flanagan's Pub near IES for a drink. We all got Zucchini soup, which was excellent. Ben and I got back around 1, and I checked my email to find out that I might have gotten an apartment! Fingers crossed. It's the place near the Prater that is mostly furnished, so I would be thrilled to live there. I should meet the landlord on Thursday.

Also on Thursday, Chelsea has organized a rehearsal and recording in the hall at Prayner Konservatorium. Apparently a man was in Wien for a few weeks over the summer and came to a performance Chelsea conducted and was so impressed that he has offered to place a recording of ours on the next NASA space flight! It's unfortunate that he didn't give her more notice (only 2 weeks to prepare and record) but it's a once in a lifetime opportunity. A recording of us will be sent into space! How crazy is that?

Ode to Wien (2010)

Being back here has been like a dream come true. I can still hardly believe that I'm back. I ran across the poem I wrote when I left Wien in 2010. Perhaps I will try to write poetry again once I have found a place and settled in. A poem of spring might be most appropriate.

Oh Wien! The snow now crowns your buildings

In pure white sheets. Your graceful apartments,

Quaint stores, your hallowed museums - all things

Reveal themselves to me anew. Snow complements

The architecture of your halls, monuments of a time

Now lost, as if they were built for such a purpose.

O Wien! City of music! Always a song is upon the air,

And so every passing hour one can feel the sublime.

Your cafes and parks have offered repose

To many who knew of no city so fair.

Oh Wien! With your lopsided Dom and bright palaces,

Full of history and majesty, you indeed are a jewel

Set in your Ring. Your glory remains, not just chalices

Locked behind glass, though only a fool

Would deny their beauty is a testament to your might.

No sleeping giant, you are alive and well!

You have grown and continue to be a part

Of the modern world. Yet still, at night,

Walking home on cold streets I hear the bell

Of a church, and I know the peace in your heart.

Oh Wien! So swiftly your seasons came,

My time here has passed suddenly, I feel

Bewildered - like a dream I recall the same

Day I arrived. How could I know Time would steal

Away and slip through my fingers? The heat

Of summer gave way to cool autumn in one day!

Oh Wien! I knew you well for three seasons.

How I wish I could see your spring and meet

The new flowers as the frost melts away!

Why we must part now confounds my reason.

Oh Wien! Must I tomorrow fly to another land?

When shall I walk your streets and see

Your markets - Christmas and otherwise - and stand

Again before your palaces and halls and be

Once more enthralled by your beauty?

Not soon enough! But I shall return.

A new year for me was begun here,

I learned and loved. Now I must see

This is not the end. A light will burn

In my mind, recalling everything most dear.

Apartment Hunting

Finding an apartment has been more difficult than I had hoped. I know now that there really was no chance of having a place before I arrived in Wien. It seems that apartments stay on the market for a week or so, from the realtors expecting copies of offers the next day. I wish their provision was less than 2 months rent. It seems excessive, but I guess that's how they make a living. I gave up on furnished apartments (though one has a table, chairs, and a bed frame they could leave for me) and have gotten more responses than before. The one I really want is in the 4th district, so I could walk to Barbara's for lessons and also walk to the Belvedere. It doesn't have any furniture but it's actually less expensive than my current other option. Neither have washing machines, which is the biggest bummer for me. They start around 200 Euros which is likely as expensive as a mattress, bed frame, table, and chairs combined. Good thing I can bring more things back with me after Christmas. I will feel so much more at ease once I have an apartment. Setting up a new (permanent) phone, opening a bank account, getting health insurance, etc. will be easy comparatively. Hopefully....

Orchestra and Barbara

Yesterday was the first orchestra rehearsal at Prayner. I was nervous to go because it is in German, but I knew I would meet Carolyn, another one of Barbara's students that Ben told me to look out for. The school orchestra is tiny, and though Ben had said it was not very advanced and was more of a conductor's orchestra, I can't believe the group was so bad. We sight read Mozart Symphony no. 40, which is not difficult, and running the first movement with 3 student conductors did not help the ensemble improve in any considerable way. I enjoyed it for what it was, but after rehearsal Carolyn told me that it does not get any better. Ugh. We went out to get a drink at a restaurant around the corner from the school, which will probably become standard procedure. I got home after 6 and promptly passed out. Which ended up being a bad thing because later I couldn't fall asleep until after 3 in the morning. 

I had emailed Barbara to set up a time for my first lesson. I assumed that she would not have time this weekend and I would have a few days to pull my Tchaikovsky and Ysaye together. I was mistaken. She wrote back and asked me to come in right after Ben's lesson, at 12:30. Waking up early today took considerable effort because I got did not sleep well. I was nervous that I would play horribly for Barbara, but she was happy to see me and I immediately felt at ease. Like Ben said later, it's a safe place. Ysaye was decent but I didn't get far into Tchaikovsky. She asked me which hand was stronger, and I had to think about it. But it's clearly my left hand. I never focus on my bow arm and don't really know how to practice good right arm technique. She told me that my bow arm needed a lot of work in 2010. I'm glad she thinks my left hand technique is solid. And I'm excited to get help working on my bow arm. She sent me to a nearby music shop to buy a new chin rest, because my new Kreddle was way too high, even when I adjusted it to its lowest level. I had only changed chin rests about 3-4 days before I left for Wien, too! Oh well, she is adamant that a high chin rest is bad for your back, and I feel okay with my new low chin rest. I just need to continue to monitor my left shoulder for tension. 

After getting a new chin rest and rosin, Ben showed me one of the best kebap places in the city. It's close to Schwedenplatz and I will be going back often. I hope to not have any more jet lag tomorrow and after practicing I want to see some museums. Die Lange Nacht der Museen is coming up soon, too! Hopefully I'll hear back about this apartment as well. Otherwise, I might take over Barbara's son's apartment, even though it's more expensive than I budgeted. I can't thank Ben enough for allowing me to crash at his place for so long. It's starting to sink in that I'm here for the foreseeable future. And I'm very excited. 

Return to Wien!

After almost 24 hours of traveling I finally arrived back in Wien! I spent a few hours today walking around downtown. A lot of what I saw was just as I remember it four years ago. It is kind of surreal being back, I can hardly believe that I'm here. Two days ago I was playing basketball with Grace and Haz.

The flights were not bad at all. I slept all the way to Toronto, and then was seated next to a sweet Macedonian lady for the 8 hour flight to Wien. I called Ben once I got my luggage and CAT ticket, and he met me at the new and improved Landstrasse station. He has a nice place for one, and though it's a strange, long layout, there's plenty of room for me to sleep on the couch for a few days. 

I sent out a few more emails and I already heard back from someone about a studio apartment, so I'm very excited about going out to see it tomorrow! I have been increasingly nervous about how long it will take me to find a place. Not having any checks might be an issue, but if I have to pay the deposit with cash, that shouldn't be a deal breaker. I need an address before I can set up a bank account here, naturally. 

I took a bit of a scenic route downtown via the U6 and U3, only to find that Pasha is closed temporarily. I wandered around and eventually decided to go to the Greek restaurant around the corner from IES where I had my first meal in Wien with Elena and Albert. I was disappointed not to be able to get a Kebap box, but the Gyro plate wasn't too bad. 

After my late lunch I went looking for the music shop where I got my Schubert Octet score when I was here in 2010. It took me a while but I found it. I had forgotten that there was a separate shop for non-Classical music, so I freaked out when I walked in for a minute. I couldn't convince myself to buy any new score, but maybe I'll get Beethoven or Mendelssohn String Quartets. I was wanting to give composing another go. Hearing Ars Nova a few weeks ago was really wonderful. Being allowed to sit in on their rehearsals was a special treat. 

The city itself inspires me. I can't wait to see the museums and hear some concerts! I really hope Barbara isn't too disappointed, since I hardly practiced all summer, but Ben said she'll understand for sure. It's a new beginning and I couldn't be happier with where I am.