My last full day with Facebook - if I decide that I have truly gained something valuable by giving it up - is coming to a close and I feel like it's the right decision. That could change and as I've told several friends, if I weigh the pros and cons later and find that it hasn't been worthwhile, I'll return to FB. Part of this decision was arbitrary. For me, I think it's more important as a symbol of the changes I want to make in my life. I have always appreciated Facebook as an extremely useful tool. I know that deactivating won't instantly make me a better person. The real steps I have to take have little to do with my FB account.
In all honesty, I have two very different sides. One part of me believes that a simple life is possibly the most rewarding. At the end of our lives, what do you think will be important to us? If there's an afterlife, we certainly can't take any of our stuff with us. I believe it was a professor of philosophy that told my class that every time he goes to a museum, he only picks out a handful of paintings or exhibits and spends a lot of time absorbing what they have to offer. We only have so much time and an infinite amount of things vying for our attention.
My other side loves luxury. I like lots of things and appreciate quality work. I understand that often the best things have specific purposes. It's that side that wants a fifth camera lens, a full library, several more movies from the Criterion Collection, and wishes that my chosen career path might eventually lead to a relaxing summer home in the country. You might argue that I'm part hedonist.
I go to bookstores instead of libraries because I love the way new books smell and feel. But I still think about how nice it would be to have hundreds of books on one small tablet. I consider myself a romantic. Yet I can be undeniably practical. I'm a complex human being and I am still figuring out who I am. I want to take positive steps towards becoming someone I will be happy being.
Originally, I wanted this post to be about my almost obsession with endings. I'm an extremely nostalgic and romantic person who feels sad reading about endings and last things. Last words, final stands in battle, goodbyes at graduations, moving out of a home. They are bittersweet. I don't dread those moments but try to savor them. But I will have to expound on those thoughts another time.
In the simplest terms, I am hoping to gain a new understanding of myself through giving up Facebook. Maybe this will be a step towards deciding the kind of person I want to be. Life isn't black and white and I doubt I will become a real Ascetic or Hedonist. But whatever I choose to be, I must overcome my apathy and strive for more than mediocrity.
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