Changes

It's been a long time since I last sat down to set my ruminations to imaginary paper on the interwebs. I think it's important for me to continue to reflect and organize my thoughts, but though it would probably have been beneficial to do so earlier, I have only recently had some breakthroughs that allow me to take a breather. This tone of this semester for me so far has been stressful. I've felt like it's all I can do to keep my head above water.

But I've looked for and found help for my sleep problems and depression, and things are starting to turn around. I'm glad that I broke through my apathy and took real steps to help myself succeed and feel better. It means a lot for me to get back to normal. But I want to do better than normal, I want to really live my life to the fullest.

I have made a good start to taking better care of myself. Eating more healthier (and more food) and establishing a regular sleep schedule have been my main focus for the past few weeks. Finally, I talked with counselors who made me realize that the depression I've been suffering from needs to be addressed directly. The medicine I'm trying now has made me a bit sluggish in the morning and I have felt muscle soreness I can't fully attribute to work at Beau Jo's, but it has been a good start and I will continue to see if it is the best fit for me.

Cooking good meals at home has been very rewarding, and I need to continue such a positive habit. I found a nice small cookbook that is perfect for me. Simple recipes made for someone with limited space in the kitchen.

I am much more vigilant about going to bed on time, and I think I am beginning to sleep through the night. I think I am getting better quality of sleep as well, which is helping me wake up with more energy for the day.

Another aspect of my life I am trying to focus on is my social life. I enjoy work at Beau Jo's and have made some good friends. I'd like to spend more time hanging out with people and less time watching videos in the computer lab by myself. I even think about Facebook occasionally, because I definitely need to establish a support system. Mary has moved with Shreaf to Denver, so I won't get to see them as much anymore, unfortunately. But by finding a group of friends I think I will be happier and enjoy life a lot more. And then hopefully I can address all my doubts about myself and my future.

My future and career are coming into focus better now that I'm addressing my depression, and I am starting to find enjoyment in music and my other hobbies that I had lost. It's been hard, but ultimately I feel like working through these struggles has made me a stronger person. It has forced me to take care of myself and I am optimistic that I can take control of my life.