NaNoWriMo excerpt

The Last Memoir of Michael Green

                As an American who, as I mentioned briefly before, loves history, I believe that I am drawn to titles as far as they signify the rank, responsibilities, and duties of a nobleman as a leader. Now of course every entitled person did not live up to his title, and neither am I saying that I wish to go back to the days of extremely unbalanced power structure where a few rich aristocrats are simply born into a life of luxury while the majority consist of barely literate peasants. But there is definitely something fascinating to me about a group of men able to do almost anything they wanted, assuming they don’t bankrupt or otherwise destroy their inheritance. Dukes and Lords were able to not only govern over cities and regions as dictators for life, but were able to raise individual armies and sign treaties! While it is certainly still interesting to analyze what presidents and parliaments authorize, there is no longer (thankfully) the freedom to pass laws on a whim. These men had courts filled with musicians and artists and other servants. They could go to other countries (generally Italy) and hire famous composers and have them write music to be performed by their own personal orchestras! Were I an enormously rich, and extraordinarily selfish, man, I would seriously consider hiring a quartet to perform for every meal, and when I went to the bathroom. There would be a fanfare of my personal theme music every time I came home. I once knew a violinist who told a story of how at summer music festivals he would walk behind strangers on campus and play fiddle tunes. I don’t think that’s something you can hire most musicians to do, but if I were a rich man I would inquire about it. But enough about that tantalizing alternative life.

I understand that I should be proud that America was founded on equality and got rid of the divide between educated aristocrats and uneducated peasants. Eventually we rid ourselves of the embarrassing stain of slavery as well. But the same part of me that desires a personal court complete with orchestra is sad that there are no titles in America. As I wasn’t entirely sure which department would handle such concerns, I wrote several letters to different federal offices inquiring about the possibility of establishing an American position or knighthood. I received one courteous note from the Department of Homeland Security saying that they were unable to help me but suggesting that I contact Senators. I can only assume that Senators would be more than happy to create a new title, whereupon they could all knight themselves and buy new mansions with taxpayer money. In the end I decided that that danger was too high and have simply taken it upon myself to try to start a trend and lead by example by signing all letters and documents “Sir Michael Green.” I decided against adding an “e” to the end of Green, because as much as I would like to be British, I am not. So if you have gotten a letter from me in the past several years and have wondered about my signature, that’s why.